Tuesday, July 2, 2019

Today I Couldn’t Feel Anything

Staring ahead,
I see part of my nose:
more on the right side than the left.

My right eye must be stronger, I think.
Each part of my body might as well have been tacked on
nothing seems to be connected today.

The clouds grow and darken as the day gets later
and by the time I start my run the rain is falling lightly,
a bolt of lightening on the mountains a mile away.

I have a jacket in my pack I know all about storms, 
they can come any time, the sun can sometimes fool you.
I've been in plenty of storms

It feels dark and cold inside my head too.
I still see the tip of my nose as I head up the mountain
and that's how I know I'm still inside here since there is no feeling.

Behind my nose, behind my eyes I feel nothing but pressure.
My dog can find water anywhere close to a trail on a hot day,
I can tell you where a storm will hit and how big it will be.

We all learn the things we need to survive,
Usually a run helps me feel things
but today I still couldn't feel anything.

I just move forward until I am done.
Out of habit I respond to my surroundings 
like I think a human should:

Hello, excuse me, go ahead, you first.
Ha ha. Nice to meet you. It sure is stormy today.
Feed the dogs, make dinner, change my clothes.

But there is still nothing in this body
I wish I was on a mountain never touched by man,
Looking out of these eyes with no need to be human.

I think from the outside I look normal
but it takes everything I have to just move 
through the motions of the day.


  1. Sorry you are feeling so empty :-(

  2. Such a great poem Candice. Love the honesty and vulnerability. As a musician I'm kinda biased....I think that where all great art is born...in freedom. Reading 'Born To Run' and started Googling some things and found your website. Always loved running but completely new to ultra and fascinated by it. Living in Maui is a pretty gentle start...haha:) Hope to see you on the trail some day and thanks for the poems & inspiration.

  3. Good to see the poetry still flows. Best wishes


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